Why do people fight each other, especially during times of change when they need each other the most?
I have a variety of theories on what creates the tension between people during times of change, but I think the key culprits are as follows:
- We are fighting for control. Since the beginning of time, our very survival has been reliant upon the ability to control our surroundings. When our surroundings change without our approval, then we will fight to get the control back.
- We are afraid. When our environment surprises us, we go to either fight or flight. You’ll see it in meetings during times of change. Some people get louder (fight), others completely retreat and say absolutely nothing (flight).
- We want an answer, any answer. Sometimes there is so much silence during times of change that we fill the void with rumors and sometimes begin to turn on each other. Too often executives tend to go underground during times of change, holding multiple meetings but failing to communicate any information during those meetings. They are waiting for the perfect answer, while employees desire any information.
- We want to know how this change impact us. So often companies work so hard at “branding” the new initiative they forget to tell people how the change is going to impact them. By ignoring how people are impacted by change, leaders are inadvertently saying they don’t care. This is when people start to get angry.
- We are exhausted and overwhelmed by information. Once executives are ready to communicate change, they often use the fire hose approach since they’ve delayed communication for so long. The executives are ready to share all of this information because they’ve been processing it for months and months. Employees might be hearing everything for the first time, and all at once.
So what can we do to lessen the tension during times of change?
- Communicate constantly. Do this even if answers are not yet known. Communicate what you can as often as you can. This will lessen the fight for control and the fear.
- Tell people how the change will impact them. Use benefit language that is realistic and true. Don’t sugarcoat a really bad message – people will see this for what it is and will stop trusting the messages. People also appreciate being told the truth so that they can deal with it.
- Provide information incrementally. Do not start with a huge kick-off followed by two days of training followed by a toolkit the size of “War and Peace.” Most importantly, don’t provide information and walk away. Give people information in bite-sized pieces that are followed by leadership actions for reinforcement.
A few small steps can prevent a lot of verbal boxing matches!