Donna Highfill
  • Home
  • About
    • About Donna
    • What People Are Saying
    • My Other Blogs
      • Dame Nation Blog
      • Huffington Post
  • Services
    • Power Up BUSINESS
    • Coaching
  • Books and Tools
  • Blog
    • Fave Products
  • Contact Me

Mirror, Mirror – Who Needs to Change?

AndrewBlog1 commentJanuary 24, 2012

I remember a woman I worked with years ago who drove me crazy. She came to meetings and dominated them with her constant talking. She joked around when she should have been serious.

I made her my number one topic, determined to get her to change these annoying behaviors by talking about her to others.

Then something happened . While I  focused on her flaws, she started adding value to coworkers and leaders by providing good work. People began to respect her and the contributions she was making.

Meanwhile, I continued my obsession. I am sure I looked like the crazy lady on the street corner with uncombed hair, a big coat and flailing arms, ranting about my coworker while others just tried to get their job done.

After a few friends shared their concern about my obsession, I stepped back and took a more objective look at the situation.  During that time of reflection, I realized why my co-worker drove me crazy. She dominated by talking . . . just like me. She joked around too much . . . just like me. The things that drove me craziest about her where the things that I didn’t really like much about myself.

Author and behaviorist Martha Beck says the following:

Everyone makes comments about other people from time to time, but those who focus on one topic continually, irrationally, and inexplicably are often describing themselves. When someone seems unduly preoccupied with a certain flaw in others, it’s time to do a once-over to see if it’s taken root in Mr. or Ms. Obsessed. 

And the Mirror Replies . . .

If you have become fixated on someone else’s flaws, remember this:

  • The very person you’re obsessed with is not obsessed with you
  • Each time you rant about this person you scare others a little bit more
  • This might be a lot more about you than them

Each time something in a coworker or leader or family member makes you a little crazy, take a look in the mirror. Bravely ask that mirror . . .

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who’s the most obsessed of all?

The answer might just be, “YOU.”

Once I identified my issues with this coworker, I focused on changing those behaviors in myself. Amazingly, when I became happier with myself, I was no longer frustrated by her.

And changing me was a lot easier than trying to change her.

 

Tags: behavior change, Change, change leadership, donna highfill, featured, Stories

Related Articles

Should We Kill the Laughter?

September 5, 2014Donna Highfill

Because I Said So!

December 6, 2010Andrew

Change 10: The Story of Change

October 14, 2010Andrew

1 comment. Leave new

Neil Karn
January 25, 2012 9:44 am

Wow! “Mirror, Mirror” is a particularly insightful and powerful column which made me reflect on my behavior. You have revealed an uncomfortable truth.

Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Learn How to Tell a Better Story and Achieve Success!

Sign up below to receive 48 FREE Energizing Messages.

Connect with Me

Email
Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Pinterest

Recent Posts

  • A Cab Driver Who Appeared as if from Nowhere
  • Here’s Some Honesty For You
  • Laughter is My Hero
  • A New Year in Old Clothes
  • Why I Will Face the Fall

CHECK OUT MY BOOK

highfillcover

As a leader, do you implement change only to watch the projects, processes and initiatives stall because you can’t get the people driving them to change? In my new book Real People, Real Change: Stories of a Change Warrior in the Business World I share real stories to illustrate how leaders can move people to action.

Archives

Where Donna Will Be Speaking Next

  • April 22, 2015 - SunTrust Women's Networking Group
  • April 23, 2015 - SunTrust Women's Networking Group
  • May 12, 2015 - LPGA Championship, Kingsmill, Williamsburg VA
  • May 21, 2015 - Education Association of Fundraising Professionals, Eerie, PA

Certified_hi-res

mbti_certified
huffbadge

Learn How to Tell a Better Story and Achieve Success!

Sign up below to receive 48 FREE Energizing Messages.

Recent Posts

  • A Cab Driver Who Appeared as if from Nowhere August 9, 2017
  • Here’s Some Honesty For You March 16, 2017
  • Laughter is My Hero January 10, 2017

Contact Me

804-370-6665
[email protected]
  • Home
  • Privacy Policy
  • Copyright
  • About Donna
  • Contact Me
Copyright Donna Highfill 2014