New Year’s resolutions are often a powerful yet perilous way to start off your new year. Why? Because too many unrealistic expectations predestine failure for New Year goals within 24-hours (check out my humor blog on this topic on Huffington Post).
If I’ve learned anything from the past year of change, I’ve learned that trying to change everything at once is a mistake. It’s similar to running stadium steps when you haven’t worked out in years. I did that with one personal trainer, and once I regained the ability to walk I marched straight to his office and smacked him.
There are those times when major changes like divorce, death, and a job move seem to fall into the same, awful year. During those times, survival without drinking excessively is a clear victory.
But what about those years when you want to change your own life? When you decide to do what you love because the latest motivational bestseller has promised that money and success will follow? What about those times when you want to do something that matters?
These changes are more frightening, because you CHOOSE them. That makes you responsible, and you transition from a pitiful victim to a villain whose change impacts the lives of others, and they’re not always real happy about it. Change that you instigate starts with excitement, moves into loneliness, and has periods of Texas-Chainsaw-type terror.
The good news? Sometimes the dark portion of your change journey is preparing you for what’s to come. As Thomas Moore, author of “Dark Nights of the Soul” explains, those times are purposeful even if they don’t feel good. He uses the biblical metaphor of Jonah in the belly of the big fish. While it was dark and Jonah was not in control, the fish was still moving him forward.
Four Change Steps
So, I am emerging from the belly of my own big fish, and I’m finally starting to see things clearly. Here are a few suggestions for your own change based upon my experience:
- Follow your gut. Change rarely has much to do with logic. If only thinking was involved you would stay in the land of what you know, where the ego part of your brain feels safe. Listen to your body. If you consider your next step and your body experiences what Martha Beck called Shackles Off, a lightness of being, then move ahead. If the consideration of your next move makes your body feel heavy, it’s a Shackles On move and you need to let it go. By the way, just because you follow your gut, don’t think your next move will feel immediately right. Sometimes you’ll wake up in a sweat panicking over what you’ve done. Keep moving forward. And reserve your logic for times when your gut tells you to do something like get a tattoo sleeve or multiple nose piercings.
- Stop Trying to Figure It All Out. Rather than trusting my own gut, rather than spending some valuable time in prayer and/or meditation, I kept trying to figure out what the ultimate destination was going to be. Here’s a tip – snakes don’t turn into other animals when they shed their skin, they just develop a better version of what they already have. Who you are meant to be is part of your DNA. So, get quiet and listen. The answers are there. And feel free to use my snake metaphor in your next presentation.
- Simplify Simply. Some people can leave their jobs, give up their worldly possessions, and move onto a sailboat. Those people usually don’t have families reliant upon them. You don’t always have to do something dramatic. Sometimes you can take smaller steps. For example, I am selling jewelry that I never wear to buy tickets for the Redskins playoff game. There was a time I’d never do that, but I haven’t worn the jewelry in years and I really want to see this game. This way, I get rid of something I don’t need and pay for an experience. Little things matter.
- One Step At a Time. Change is not about the end result, because there is no end to change. You are constantly evolving. Hopefully, your journey will take a lifetime. Therefore, the only thing that matters on your path is the next step. If you try to move beyond the next step you’re going to face plant just like you did when you were a kid trying to run faster than your legs would take you.
After a year of crazy, wonderful change, I’m moving forward. And I’ve realized that it’s all about the next step I take – not the whiteboard with the goals, or the new laptop, or the new haircut.
Change is simply about being courageous enough to take one step forward. And, if your gut is really telling you to get that sleeve tattoo, please feel free. I might have one before the end of the year, just don’t tell my husband.
You are the sole person responsible for your next step. You, and God, and the Universe. Stay in touch with them, because they are guiding you from the inside out.