I have a humor blog that I write for baby boomer women called DameNation. My articles are intended to lighten women’s lives through laughter. Thanks to this blog, I’ve become a regular contributor to Huffington Post, where it seems my humor is pissing some people off.
In a recent post I discussed how talented women are portrayed in the media, with a focus on body parts rather than talent. This generated over 320 comments — many of them angry.
In another post, I talked about how I was finally happy with my body, no matter how imperfect it might be. You’d think that would be a pretty safe topic, but you would be wrong.
While supported by a majority of the readers, I got SLAMMED by a significant number of others. I am talking piledriver, verbal throw downs. One woman was absolutely disgusted with the fact that I feel good about my body. I’m wondering if it was my ex-diet counselor.
Here are her exact words:
Wow, seriously? I am 58, and I do not have rolls of fat around my mid-section. And I don’t resort to brownies when I’m stressed, I just hit the gym harder. It’s fun being sexy. Yes, more fun than sitting in a movie eating popcorn. And loss of Estrogen is NOT what causes that extra weight. It’s all the sugar and grains you’re eating, that now, because of loss of Progesterone makes you store excess fat around your middle. The problem is, you have too MUCH Estrogen in relation to your other hormones. At least get the FACTS straight, if you’re going to post excuses about feeling old and getting fat. And, I’m not fooled; you’re not really happy with that body, you just think you have no choice, so you may as well accept it. That’s noble, but what a shame! Suzanne Somers and I would like you to know that you DO have a choice.
I was really blown away when Suzanne Somers got thrown into the mix. What did I ever do to Chrissy?
When Attacks Get Personal
Let me make one thing clear – I support a free press and freedom of speech. I have no issues with people having their own opinions and voicing them.
What is so surprising about the comments is how quickly they morph into personal attacks.
One respondent accused me of yellow journalism. Since the piece’s title included the word “nipple,” I could see why he might go this direction. But then he went into warp speed, and told me that I was “a shallow thinker without the depth of a spit.” I told him that I’d look up how deep a spit was before I determined how offended I would be.
At its best, an honest critique can surface certain issues, generated discussion and provide possibilities for improvement.
At its worst, an angry critique can instigate heated, thoughtless attacks with one result – more anger.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth said she loved angry discussions because it meant people were passionate.
Is that what we are? Or is it a faux passion used to get attention?
My Question is . . .
Does the angry discourse that seems to prevail in current media actually promote any kind of positive change?
I really want to know your thoughts. This is a discussion worth having. And you’re allowed to express anything you believe, as long as you really believe it.
Even if you tell me I’m only as deep as a spit.
4 comments. Leave new
Anger can be a force for change, but only when there is clarity about the *true* source of the anger. In the case of angry Internet comments, I sadly don’t think that’s the case. :-/
My perception is that what you’re seeing is not passion – it’s people defending an emotional/psychological sore spot. You are not advocating things that might rightfully stir social outrage – as far as I can tell, you’re not advocating anything at all, you’re just speaking your own experience!
When people lash out – meaning that the commentary is personal, subjective, and deliberately hurtful – it really, truly, isn’t about you. I do know that doesn’t always make it easier to hear, nor do I think that makes it acceptable to do, but defensive retaliation seems to be a part of human nature.
When we don’t have a “sore spot” around a particular issue, we might find that we disagree 100% with a particular statement by a particular person – but we don’t feel the need to get into a heated argument or throw personal attacks at them. If it’s a large socio-cultural issue on which we feel strongly, we might be more likely to get into a vigorous discussion, but if it’s really about the topic, we’ll discuss the *topic* – not the other person.
In personal interaction, sometimes one person can bring clear, calm, de-escalating attention to the dynamic and make space for it to shift, but the other person(s) involved must agree to take the conversation to a more respectful place. In the functional anonymity of the Internet, it is almost impossible to effect that kind of shift, unfortunately.
I personally think all you can do is understand that you’re touching some very raw nerves for a lot of people, realize their reaction is 100% about them, and do your best to stay in that detached, compassionate place. It’s not easy, but it’s a lot more comfortable than taking them at face value. 🙂
More than anything, please don’t let it stop you from writing! Your voice is a treasure, and I love that it’s being heard in a wider and wider audience. The reactions are going to keep coming – I know of not a single “public figure”, major or minor, who doesn’t get this onslaught of offended (and often simply bizarre) outrage. I will close with one of my favorite quotes:
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” -Winston Churchill
We could do worse than follow the example of The British Bulldog. 🙂
I love that Winston Churchill quote!! Your explanation is spectacular. I am hearing the same kinds of conversation even within the walls for Corporate America. I think people are afraid for so many reasons, and fear never creates better behavior.
I’m printing your words so I can keep them near my desk. Thank you!
Anger is an agent for change only when it spurs a morally outraged person into taking meaningful action. A lot of what passes for “discussions”in media these days is little more than link bait, garbage put together in hopes of inflaming opinions & generating page views. Lots of smoke & flames but little in the way of firm resolve to change things for the better,
Thank you, Jean. I could not agree more. I might retweet your line, “Anger is an agent for change only when it spurs a morally outraged person into taking meaningful action.” I love it.