Last night I watched “Foxcatcher,” a movie about John du Pont that left me staring at the television screen with my mouth hanging open long after it ended. And, no, I was not asleep.
John is an eclectic heir to the du Pont family fortune who squandered everything by murdering an Olympic athlete in a disturbing twist. Watching John du Pont’s search for his mother’s acceptance was both painful and, ultimately, tragic.
While most of us will not kill an Olympic athlete in our lifetime, we pummel our self-esteem on a daily basis by not believing in ourselves.
If we look to others for our significance, we’ll rarely find it there. . .
Looking for our self-esteem in the opinions of others is like looking in your purse for a horse. You can look and look, but it’s never going to be there (unless somebody creates a tiny horse and you’re Paris Hilton).
The acceptance of others is conditional, because they’re kind of busy writing their own stories and stumbling over their own obstacles.
Even the dearest friends and family members don’t completely know our soul, our heart, or our journey. They can’t and they shouldn’t, otherwise, they are way up in your life’s grill and they need to back up.
As I watched John du Pont desperately try to get his mother’s approval, I thought, “There goes Hollywood again, blaming everything on the mother (except for Disney who just kills us off).”
The true tragedy was John’s self-loathing.
John knew that he was neither the child his mother expected nor the son she wanted, and he hated himself for it. He continued to bang his head against the reality of it until his futile desire to be accepted by her caused him to spiral into a mental illness that consumed his life and led him to take another life.
Accept yourself . . .
We crave acceptance because we look for the reflection of our light rather than looking to the light itself. We are a society of mirrors, and selfies, and opinion polls. Our desire to be popular trumps our souls true message.
Instead of searching for our hearts desire, we search for the moment when 10,000 people will “like” us. We don’t want to find peace; we want to go viral. I went viral once, and received 10,000 likes for the article I wrote about “Selfies.” It felt good. I was retweeted by Arianna Huffington. I jumped around and said “This is it!‘ and ate a sleeve of cookies in celebration.
The next day it was over, and I was two pounds heavier.
Be the Sun . . .
I’ve said it before – we are made of the same stuff as stars.
Let people write their stories without requesting that they give a review of yours. Have you ever read the comments of reviewers? They can be pretty brutal.
Stop being the moon. Be the sun.
Let people live their story and invest your time in living yours.
4 comments. Leave new
What a great observation Donna and how true! As I was reading I was thinking about how devastating parental disappoint is and it should not be that way. Parents should love and support their children no matter what path they choose. It is their journey and we as parents should not admonish them because it is different from ours or doesn’t meet our expectations. If people knew, especially children, that they were surrounded by unconditional love self loathing might not exist.
Lisa – So true! I think we struggle because we are sure our way is the best way. We impose our dreams on others rather than simply sharing them. Thank you for your comment!
Through the encouragement of my wife, I was able to gain a better “self-esteem”. I thank her often for it. [But I drift back into that “cage” over and over again.] Thank you for this article.
Thanks for the comment, John!