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Who Are You Trying to Be?

Donna HighfillBlog6 commentsJuly 6, 2015

My story is one of high and low energy. I rarely have a day that I steadily plod through, getting things done in an orderly fashion. Instead, I am either the Tazmanian devil, going through my day like a whirling dervish of accomplishment, or I am a sloth, sitting on the couch, popping conveniently placed food items into my mouth.

Every time management class I’ve ever attended makes me feel like a complete failure. I walk out after a day of mental self-flagellation, carrying my leather binder which I promptly misplace.

We need to stop trying to be somebody else . . .

I am reading a biography of the poet Edna St. Vincent Millay, who received the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry in 1923. As I read “Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay” by Nancy Milford, I noticed that Edna would have been kicked out of a  Franklin-Covey class.

She went on European trips that lasted months where she wrote very little. She borrowed money and barely made it financially. Then she won the Pulitzer Prize.

She nursed illnesses during which little was accomplished. Then she wrote more sonnets in a month than most poets can write in a lifetime.

She created when the spirit moved her, or when she had another lover, whichever came first. . .

I like Edna. She was a woman who lived her life without apology. She walked along the edge, writing risque verse like “First Fig:”

My candle burns at both ends;
  It will not last the night;
But ah. my foes, and oh, my friends–
  It gives a lovely light!
She also wrote sonnets that go so deeply into the soul and psyche I get lost in them (which means I have to read them again and again, sometimes out-loud, at night, while my husband tries to sleep).
Edna smoked, wore pants, dominated the poet’s circle while giggling like a little girl, and read risque poetry dressed like a school marm. In essence, she was simply, beautifully, herself.

So, I’m not going to try and be Edna . . .

In college, I would have decided to become Edna. I would have worn pants, been bawdy, and written edgy poetry. Wait, I did do that in college.

Regardless, I have spent too many years asking people what they think of my hair or my writing or my boyfriend or my house or my time management skills. My poetry has been less like Edna and more like this:

My candle burns at both ends;
  I live with all my might;
But ah, my family and oh, my friends—
 Did I do it right?
“I am me and that’s okay cuz God don’t make no junk” . . .

Life could just be as simple as remembering our assignment.

Maybe angels whispered in our infant ear to “Go be an incredibly successful teacher, changing the world by touching young lives.”

Or perhaps we heard the quiet command, “Go into the world and be a plumber who fixes problems that overwhelm home owners. And show them your crack to make them laugh.”

I think I heard, “Go into the world, and be a whirling dervish and a quiet mouse. Write like the wind and then be quiet.

Teach others, inspire them, then refuel.

You will, at times, be inappropriate and will need to apologize. You will find that eating is one of your great joys, and your chubby little body will reflect that love. Love that body. Love your inappropriate humor.

Love you.

Because I do.”

 

Tags: baby boomer women, donna highfill, inspiration, motivation, Stories

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6 comments. Leave new

Jo Heroux
July 7, 2015 12:44 am

I loved every word. “And then be quiet” I feel that from time to time. Shhhh. Just hush, Jo.
Other times, yes, I write like a maniac. I think I’m much like you. I am a flurry of organized activity or I am “resting” and perfectly content.
I think that’s a good thing. I’ve seen the world from both sides now. From win and lose and still somehow it’s life’s illusions I recall…I really don’t know life at all.
Stealing this ^^^because I silently sing it all the time to myself. About life, not love so much, I get that!

Reply
Donna Highfill
July 7, 2015 1:00 am

Thank you, Jo. And what a perfect lyrical excerpt to summarize all beautifully.

Reply
Connie McLeod
July 7, 2015 2:13 pm

Beautiful. I’ve learned the more authentic I am, the easier life is. I also have an all or nothing personality. I’ve been told I do nothing, better than anyone!

Reply
Donna Highfill
July 7, 2015 2:16 pm

Connie – thank you! I think our society has lost the art of doing nothing. Perhaps you and I can reintroduce them to it :).

Reply
Anne Louise Bannon
July 7, 2015 11:43 pm

Some very nice thoughts here. Authenticity is always difficult – possibly because there are so many people who find it difficult to deal with. At least, that’s been my experience.

Reply
Donna Highfill
July 8, 2015 1:18 pm

Being real can be so threatening to us, Anne. Maybe that’s why “Velveteen Rabbit” is one of my favorite stories. Thanks for sharing your insight!

Reply

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