I recently wrote a blog about why it’s so freakin’ hard for women to say “no” to things we really don’t want to do. I’ve had so much post-discussion on this topic that I’ve decided to share a few of the solutions shared by a fellow Dame.
Most of us agree that saying “no” is like kryptonite to women . . . it’s the one thing that seems to take us down. Therefore, I think we need a few practical suggestions. Many thanks to a reader at Vibrant Nation with the screen name Gold Bangles for providing the following three tips for saying “no”:
1. (Request is made) Response: Oh, I don’t think that would be good for me. Gold Bangles says this response dumbfounds people — what are they going to do, ask you to do it even though it’s not good for you? I love it.
I bet it could even work for sex:
Husband: Hey honey, want to fool around?
Wife: Oh, my dear, I don’t think that would be good for me.
2. (Friend/Family member calls to tell you about their latest woes) Response: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope YOU get it all worked out. I am rooting for you! A positive response that shows you care without involving you as part of the solution.
I think this one could work for sex as well:
Husband: Hey honey, I am ready to make love.
Wife: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope YOU get it all worked out. I am rooting for you!
3. (Request is made) Do NOT offer your help unless it is requested. You know we all do it. Someone who already takes a lot of time tells you about her latest problem and you say, “if there’s any way I can help, please let me know.” If a person is volunteering a lot of personal information, odds are she would love to have your help. So be ready to deliver if you make the offer.
This one does NOT work for sex, because you know that your help will be routinely requested. If sex is the issue, then stick with #1 and #2.
An Ounce of Prevention
Here’s a little preventative tip — watch out for what I call the “abyss” friends or family members. These are people who are NEVER okay. Every time you talk to them their husband has been mean to them or their dog has died or their Great Aunt on their father’s side fell or somebody is talking about them or . . . They are a swirling abyss of need. They want attention and you are their mark.
Here are a few symptoms of abyss friends:
- They talk about themselves at least 80% of the time, and if you try to talk about yourself or somebody else, they shift the topic back to themselves in less than 20 seconds.
- They are victims of everything and everybody.
- After a long conversation with them, you have a slight urge to jump off a bridge.
These people are the sun of their own universe, and you will get burned eventually. I promise.
So, Dames, say “no” to take care of yourself. Say “no” when you are being used or manipulated. Say “no” when your body tells you it’s the wrong thing to do.
And keep sharing your suggestions of how to say “no.” I know I need it. I had a bridge-jumping conversation just this week, and I stayed on for over an hour. Granted, I put the phone down and watched football while she talked, but still . . .