I don’t have grandkids yet, but I’ve already told my children that I will not be their go-to-babysitter.
I started sending this message subliminally when they were little . . . “Do you want to watch the Ninja Turtles since I won’t ever be your permanent babysitter and then have a peanut butter sandwich?
I have prepared many ways to say “no,” and suggest some of you other Dames do the same.
Here’s Why “No” is Important
One young woman was cutting my hair and said that her mom has switched to the night-shift so she can watch her toddlers during the day.
“Wow,” I responded. “When does she sleep?”
“Oh,” she said, “she catches a few winks when the kids sleep and that’s fine with her. This way my husband and I can both work and take some vacations.”
I wanted to rip those scissors out of her hands and say, “Are you kidding me? My ex-husband and I took one vacation a year to the beach where four families stayed in a four bedroom cottage because that’s what we could afford. I didn’t have my parents take my kids for the week so the two of us could go to Hawaii. We also stopped buying things like adult-food and deodorant so we could get through the month. We were skinny and smelly, but we made it on our own. You mom needs some rest.”
5 Ways to Get Rid of the Permanent Babysitting Job
I am here to rescue you with five sure ways to lose that babysitting role:
1. When your kids drop off the grandkids in the morning, position yourself in bed drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette while watching “The Maury Povich Show.” Tell the grandkids that this is the “I’m Your Baby Daddy” day and let them snuggle in bed with you.
2. Feed the children sugar treats and put Red Bull in their bottles. Feign surprise when they are acting up later in the day.
3. Tell your children about the time your kids had chicken pox and you drove them around for four hours so they would sleep and when you finally got them out of the car you dropped your daughter in the snow and fell on top of her and cried yourself crazy but didn’t call your parents because you knew they had already gone through this and it was your turn. That’s my story — you’re welcome to use it.
4. Create a “tough parent” competition. Tell them there’s a trophy for making it at least three days without calling a parent for assistance or help. Slowly extend the time, and turn it into a monthly event.
5. When your kids walk in to pick up the grandkids at the end of the day, pop in the movie “91/2 weeks.” Tell them you don’t think sex is a bad thing and that Sesame Street puts a muppet in a garbage can which you find much more abusive.
These are just a few ideas, but I promise — they will work.
P.S. For those of you who are appalled by these ideas and just love to keep your grandkids all day long, please send me your name and number. I might need you in the near future.