5 Reasons I Had Better Start Sleeping

Yes, you might have interacted with me on Facebook at 3:00 a.m. . .

I have no clue as to why I’m not sleeping, but it seems to be a condition that many Dames are facing. I know that because several of us are interacting on Facebook at approximately 3:00 a.m.

I am 54 years-old, and thought I had gotten through hot flashes and sleeplessness and lethargy, the three gifts brought to me by menopause. I would have preferred gold, frankincense and myrrh, but my status as an average human didn’t qualify me.

[quote button_text=”Tweet the Quote”]I wonder if Mary, the mother of Jesus, had hot flashes?[/quote] I wonder if  she got to a point where she would look to introduce Jesus to some friends and completely forget his name?

Or get immensely irritated when he came home with yet another beggar?

I don’t know, I just know that if I don’t sleep soon I am going to continue to do things like rant about Jesus and his mother.

Here are a few other things that might happen if I don’t sleep soon . . .

For the past few weeks I have gone to bed at 11:00, fallen asleep by 11:45, and wake up to start my day at approximately 1:05 a.m. If I were one of those geniuses that only requires a few hours sleep, I might survive this. But I am not that smart, and if I don’t start sleeping soon, the following might happen:

  1. I might give my husband a heart attack when I scream out “WTF!” at approximately 2:30 a.m.
  2. I could develop an alter-ego that gets on Facebook in the middle of the night and builds a relationship with some weirdo in another part of the world who is awake and will talk to me.
  3. I could be put in timeout by God when he/she tires of my fervent, angry, sweaty prayers.
  4. I could break most of the furniture in my houose, since I seem to have developed a super power that is immune to Tylenol PM. Instead of getting tired, I just get dizzy and slam into things.
  5. My self-esteem will plummet, since in most of my pictures my eyes now look like Lurch’s on the Addams Family. Below is a recent selfie taken at 3:11 a.m.

lurch

A quick and deserved apology to my mother . . .

When I was young I used to tell my mother than menopause was a state of mind, and she just needed a better attitude. I’m surprised she didn’t kill me on the spot.

Mother, I apologize.

Menu