A Dame’s Christmas List

Dear Santa:

Here’s this Dame’s Christmas list. Sorry it’s late, but I had to take care of everybody else’s list before I could get to mine. Ask Mrs. Claus about this syndrome – she’ll totally get it.

Here’s my list —

  • One day spent alone in a clean house (I mean baseboards wiped down kind of clean), reading a really good book with a fire going and lots of calorie-free but delicious snacks all around me.
  • One evening out with female friends that have no desire to shop or see a movie like “Bridges of Madison County.”
  • One day where my mind is 45 and my body is 17. It doesn’t matter where I am, the fun will come to me.
  • An interview with Celine Dion where she honestly admits that some days she likes neither her husband nor her kids.
  • A world where broken veins are seen as nature’s tatoos, and ┬áthe more broken veins you have, the more power you are allotted.
  • A Thelma and Louise-type adventure without the assault and the dramatic drive off the edge of the Grand Canyon. The rest of the trip would be cool.
  • A world that sees wrinkles as badges of honor, determining the woman with the most wrinkles has best lived her life.
  • One conversation where my twenty-something kids will say “Wow, mom, how did you get so much wisdom? You are amazing.”
  • One day where I remember exactly where I put my blackberry and car keys.
  • A vampire and werewolf that will, for just a moment, fight over the fifty-year-old woman. Since the vampire is probably more than 300 years old, I should still be quite the catch.
  • Eyeliner that can go on my eyes without my having to stretch the skin of the eye lest the applicator get hung up in wrinkles.
  • Tests that value the amount you have forgotten more than the amount you actually remember.
  • A Willy-Wonka-ish world for fifty-year-old women, where we can drink from chocolate fountains and eat the flowers, and being round is cool.

I’m sure there’s more, but I need to get this list sent. That’s my 2010 Christmas List. So, other Dames out there, what would you add to this list?