Gold Violin – You’re Starting to Rock!

When I first hit fifty-years-old and started receiving magazines that represented “helpful products for independent living,” I was furious. I did not want my People Magazine full of movie stars replaced with people in scooters wearing very large, dark glasses.

I threw them out immediately, slamming them into the trash can, trying to ignore the fact that the movement hurt my shoulder.

Recently, I reviewed one of my senior living magazines called “Gold Violin” in greater detail. I spent the first fifteen minutes trying to figure out what a gold violin has to do with mature living, but could never put anything together. I know that young copy writers loved to apply the word “golden” to aging. It’s easy for them to do since they don’t have ankles that stiffen up in a matter of seconds or teeth that crumble and come out in your chewing gum.

Anyway, I started looking through the magazine and found some really cool stuff:

  • Chair Riser. This little seat cushion acts like a small ejector seat to help you get your ass out of that recliner you love so much. As a person who spends a lot of time rocking my body to finally launch out of the recliner on the third try, I could use this.
  • Precision Eye-Drop Guide. This nifty tool ensures that drops go in your eye, not down your face. I need this for my husband who tends to get eye-drops everywhere except his eye.
  • Simple Dial Retro Radio. This radio includes a dial and a pop-up antenna. Really? Those things can put an eye out. But I do miss turning those dials like a mad scientist until all the static was gone.
  • The original desktop phone directory. Remember those metal directories where you would slide the index lever to the last-name initial, press, and it would pop up to the appropriate listings? I thought that was magic the first time my mom bought one. I don’t care about Google contacts. I’m buying this.

So, I must be moving out of my “I refuse to be in my fifties stage.” I’m reaching for the golden years with delight . . . and my new groovy arm extender that reaches objects without having to bend over.