I Forgive You, Irene

I’ve been angry with Irene. Not the woman, the hurricane. She blew so hard that almost all of our trees in the front and backyard were uprooted. One oak even made a visit to our dining room. Unfortunately, the tree decided to use our triple window and wall to enter, ignoring the front door altogether.

During the hurricane, I had called my mom who still had power. She informed me that Irene should be gone by 9:00 p.m. I said with disgust, ¬†“Mom, you’re not going to believe what Irene is doing NOW. I thought she was supposed to go away at 9:00 p.m., and it’s 11:00 p.m., and she’s still here and the worst guest EVER!!”

I told her that a massive gust of wind had been unceasingly ¬†hammering our house for almost 10 minutes. I’m not sure what I expected my mom to do, but I was sure she could make Irene go away.

Instead, she gave me the motherly, “Well, honey, Irene seems to be unpredictable. Just try to put up with her; she’ll be gone soon.”

I’ve now found out we were probably hit by a “microburst” — sustained winds up to 100 mph, that can last from 5 – 15 minutes. It’s caused by warm temperatures and excessive precipitation.

While hammering up a shower curtain to cover the hole in my window and wall, I called Irene a bi*** several times. My body burst into a massive hot flash, and I raged as intensely as she did.

Now I’ve realized I have to forgive her. Irene didn’t mean anything; she was just menopausal.

Around 11:00 her body temperature went up, much like mine has done a million times. Also like me, she began to sweat excessively and needed to turn on her excessive winds to cool down. My fan blows papers off the end tables. Irene’s fan wiped out fourteen oak trees on my property.

So, from one hot Dame to another, I forgive you Irene. I know a hot flash is a hot flash and you gotta do what you gotta do. We were just two Dames, both having hot flashes, battling each other. I must admit your winds did cool me down as I hammered, and I appreciate that.

I would like to talk to you about the cost to my home, however. You left without discussing clean up.