I Miss My Maternity Pants

Photo by sunshinecity

I admit that when people ask me my favorite part of that miracle called pregnancy, I say “the beauty of carrying a child within me.” But the truth is I fell madly in love with the elastic panels on maternity pants.

Pregnancy was a magical time, not just because of the miracle of life but because I could eat whatever I wanted. I knew that I could justify my growing waistline by saying, “I’m with child.” Suddenly looks of judgment turned to cocked heads and sounds of “Awww.”

I was in line at the bank today, listening to a young woman who was talking to her friend on the phone. She was probably four months pregnant and already talking about losing her pregnancy weight.

She had on a tight t-shirt that showed her cute little stomach and not one ounce of fat. I wanted to take her aside and say, “Come on, Dame. You should be wearing expandable pants and a tent-like top. In the eighties we knew how to dress – we were comfortable clowns, sporting big bows on our circus tent tops. We gave ourselves room to grow.”

Every night of my last trimester with my son I would fix a plate of oven fries, along with a Coke and a big bag of cold M&Ms. I’d sit down, but feel no pressure on my stomach because of that magic panel. I would eat and eat, and my pants would go with it.

My pants didn’t care; they just adjusted to the situation. Those are pants I can live with.

I finally stopped claiming that I was carrying extra baby weight when I hit 47 because I’m pretty sure people stopped buying the excuse. I metaphorically packed up my maternity pants and, with a tear in my eye, gave them to Goodwill.

To those young ladies who are pregnant, please eat. And get pants that stretch and adapt. Someday you’ll look back on these precious, meaningful days when you have a child inside of you, and you’ll say – “Man, I miss those pants.”