I’d Like to Thank the Academy . . .

I just read an article by Kathy Caprino in Huff Post called Women and Success.  Her research shows that women are more comfortable discussing their failures than their successes, which is no surprise to me.

A year ago I made a visit to the local  Barnes & Noble to compare the headlines of men’s and women’s magazines.  As I read the headlines, my intake of air caused me to suck in a couple of napkins from a nearby table. I have no doubt that my suction level alone would have been a best-selling headline for the men’s magazines.

While slightly exaggerated (but not by much), here are a few examples of the headlines that I read.

Headlines for Recent Men’s Magazines

The Business Suit That Can Make You Even Cooler

9 Things Every Man Should Have In His Pocket Including a Rocket

Why You’re Even Better Looking Than You Think

Headlines for Recent Women’s Magazines

Why You’re Fatter than Ever

9 Different Ways to Please Your Man and His Rocket

How Successful Female Leaders Can Look Slimmer at Every Meeting

Shirley and the Law of Humble Pie

Let’s face it, as women we constantly put ourselves down . . . and when we dare to be proud of ourselves, well the scorn of a nation is upon us.

Take it from Shirley MacLaine, who accepted an Oscar with the following speech:

I don’t believe there are such things as accidents. I think that we all manifest what we want and what we need. I don’t think there’s a difference really between what you feel you have to do in your heart, and success — they’re inseparable … God bless that potential that we all have for making anything possiblke if we think we deserve it. I deserve this. Thank you!

Shirley was lampooned for months after this acceptance speech. How dare this female be anything but disgusted with herself? Did she not understand the law of humble pie? We are asked to both exhibit it and bake it.

Well, I think the Dame had it right.

Writing Our Own Shining Acceptance Speeches

I think we should each create our own acceptance speech that dares to hint of our success. Here is mine:

I would like to thank the Academy for this little statue that will require regular dusting. Please know that I will not be doing it. This award came from hard work that had nothing to do with the size of my thighs. Moving forward, dimension will only apply to the depth of my desires. And, by the way, I don’t care if I look  young doing it. Talent knows no age.

(Hold award up in the air and drink in the applause. Notice that Shirley MacLaine is giving me a standing ovation).

Now I would like to know – what would your acceptance speech include?

You can share just one line or ten. What would you say?