I’m not so sure that Santa Claus is a man. In fact, I’m pretty sure Santa is a menopausal woman. Want some proof? Here you go.
- Is red-faced in every picture. Either Santa has a drinking problem or a hot flash.
- Chooses to live at the North Pole – where else would a woman having hot flashes choose to live?
- Has whiskers on his chin. Please. Without threading I could challenge the full beard with no problem.
- Makes two lists – either nice or naughty. Menopausal women have the same list, and you’d better pray you’re on the “nice” list.
- Craves sweets. Cookies left on Christmas Eve at every home? That’s a deal.
- Uses lists. This denotes a forgetfulness which us dames understand. I have to write down why I’m walking across the room lest I forget mid-step.
- Works alone. The last thing we need is some elf slowing us down with their opinion.
- Is bulky around the middle. Whether we want it or not, estrogen ensures that all women over fifty (minus surgery or starving) go from pear to apple-shaped.
- Wears comfortable clothing. I’m still looking for a Santa suit to wear every day.
This explains so much. The generosity. The marketing. The delight with small children. Santa is definitely a menopausal woman. I hope she’s good to you this year!