Join the Hot Vintage Girl Scouts!

I remember my elementary school days when I got to wear my Girl Scout outfit to school. I loved putting on my green dress, but most of all I loved wearing the sash with all of my badges carefully sewn on by my mother.

Maybe the competitor in me loved having more badges than anybody, but I worked my ass off to get those badges. My Girl Scout Guide Book was worn at the edges as I lived for the days when each approved activity toward the next badge was dated by my mother or scout leader, showing completion.

I found many of those badges online. Sadly, I had to look in the Girl Scout Vintage On-Line sites to find them. That didn’t make me feel old at all.

The badges that I most remember were those for community service, cooking (slightly sexist), first aid and building a fire. I never did get the fire badge, because it required starting a fire without matches which I found personally impossible, even though we lived in Southern California where on many days it got so hot our grass ignited for no reason at all.

Let’s Start a Menopausal Girl Scout Group

[quote button_text=”Tweet the Quote”]As I live through these wonderful menopausal years, I’d like to suggest a new group called the Hot Vintage Girl Scouts.[/quote] Our uniforms would be slimming black pants and dri-weave tops, and instead of a sash we would have feisty red beads on a necklace  that would reflect the honors that we have  earned along our menopausal journey.

Here are the first beads that leap to mind:

Starting a Fire By Simply Sitting There Bead: This would be achieved the first time a person strikes a match on one of us during a hot flash — and it lights.

Applying First Aid to the Person Who Most Annoyed Us Bead: This bead would be earned in that inevitable moment when menopause pushes us a little over the edge and physical contact ensues. We will be prepared with a first-aid kit and plenty of practice on bandage application.

Expanding Waist Bead: This bead would be earned once our waists exceed a 2″ growth. It would be worn proudly between the button-hole and button of our pants, with rubber bands that can be extended in both directions.

Not Shooting the Peppy-But-Not-Even-Menopausal-Expert Bead: We could earn a bead for not shooting one of those women in their 40’s who are still in Perimenopause (or worse yet, not even there) yet happily tell those of us in our 50’s to get off of our keisters and work-out so that we can be slim like them. Once the bead is earned, then it’s open season.

Relieving the Community of Our Presence Bead: This bead is delivered those of us who are smart enough to avoid the community entirely on those days when we wake up irritated by the lovely bird singing outside our bedroom window and know it will only get worse from there.

Question: Do you have any ideas for the Hot Vintage Girl Scout beads?

If so, add them in the comments below. We’re all in this together.