Keeping the Buzzards at Bay

Photo by Liza Highfill

Each morning, as I leave my house, I am met by about forty Turkey Buzzards that sit in dead trees across the street. Called Peace Birds by the Indians, Turkey Buzzards eat only what is already dead. Well, that’s some comfort.

The fact that they sit outside of my house every morning makes me think they might know my age. The way they stare at me in total silence makes me think they are seeing me and thinking potential carcass. Well, they’ve got some time to wait because I’m not planning on dying in my front yard any time soon.

Do you ever get the feeling as you slip down this slope of life that things are just waiting for you to pass on so they can take over?

As Jerry Seinfeld says, why do we love babies so much? They are here to replace us.

I don’t even know that the Red Hat club is such a good idea for older women. It’s like putting a bulls eye on your head, screaming to the buzzards Here I am, come and get me!

Recently I injured my back putting dishes into the dishwasher (pathetic, I know), but the last thing I’m going to do is walk with any kind of limp. Or groan when I get out of the car. No siree, I will jump out of my car and scream later.

If you start acting old, the younger generation is going to sit in those proverbial trees, waiting for your demise. Therefore, even if the arthritis in your toes is acting up, walk with confidence. If your shoulder is frozen, stop moving the other one and let both of your arms hang down so there’s no imbalance. Maybe they’ll just think you are a River Dancer.

Whenever your kids ask, Mom, how are you doing? be sure you respond, Great! Never felt better! Just starting out on the next fifty years!

As young people we look to soar like eagles. Today, I’d just like to keep those buzzards at bay.