I missed the Women’s World Cup game between the USA and Brazil, which according to my kids was one of the greatest soccer games of all times. Thank goodness I was doing something worth my time like grocery shopping.
Describing the game with the enthusiasm of a soccer player, my daughter told me all about the incredible flopping (falling on the ground and grabbing a knee or something when you’re really just trying to catch your breath or draw a bogus penalty on the opposition) of the Brazilian team – to the point that one female player was carried off on a stretcher only to jump off the stretcher once it hit the sidelines and line up to be put back into the game.
I began to see the brilliance of the flopping strategy and considered how I could make flopping a useful skill in my daily life. I can see it now:
- I am in line at the grocery store and realize the coupon queen is in front of me. As she begins to pull out her stack of coupons, I flop on the ground and roll around long enough for her to lose her concentration. As she reaches to help me, I jump up and take her place in line.
- Someone asks me to join a conference call at work on the budget. I flop. Drop right in front of the person asking, grab my knee, and ask for a stretcher. I miss the conference call.
- I’m walking down the mall, passing those little booths where the guys with the hand lotion attack you. Hoping not to be noticed, the sales guy spots my dry, wrinkled fifty-year-old hands and runs towards me. “Ma’am, excuse me, ma’am . . .” Down I go. Complete flop. I grab my ankle, rolling around and moaning. He seeks out another dry hand, and I am saved.
- My Jenny Craig lady asks what I’m going to do to stick to my diet in the upcoming week. I’m going to look her in the eyes, grab my knee, and drop to the ground. holding onto my knee. She stops asking questions, and I get to go eat the M&Ms in my car.
If only I had this tool when my kids were little. I would have flopped when asked:
• To chaperone my kids’ field trips.
• To bring cupcakes for birthdays.
• To keep other people’s children, “just for a few,” while they ran to the store.
Think about it, ladies, we can flop ourselves out of a variety of situations. Join me this week, won’t you? Let’s flip over the flop!