Magnifying Glasses – To Wear or Not to Wear

Photo by Liza Highfill

I have about twenty pairs of magnifying glasses spread all over my life. They’re in my house, they’re in my car, they’re in my office, they’re on my head, and yet I can rarely find them when needed.

I have all sorts of magnifications – 1.25, 1.75, 2.00, 2.25 — depending upon when I bought them. I always know when I put on the lower magnification because I squint more. Yet, I still won’t throw them away.

There are times I try to forego the glasses completely, which has resulted in the following:

  • Greasy hair, since I use my conditioner as shampoo.
  • Loss of a critical moment in a television show, as I confuse the volume button with the channel button.
  • Drowsiness at work because that morning I mistakenly took a nighttime allergy pill.
  • Staying up all night since that evening I mistakenly took a daytime allergy pill.
  • Answering the phone when it’s yet another telemarketer because I couldn’t read the phone number.
  • Mascara on only one eye.

When I use my eye-glasses, words on the page become miraculously clear. I’m eternally grateful for that fact. The problem is I then look into a mirror, and the new-found clarity is not nearly as appreciated.

Suddenly the beautiful, natural rouge I noticed on my cheeks turns into broken blood vessels. The one made-up eye is clearly seen. My perfectly smooth neck instantly acquires a plethora of wrinkles. The dust on my end tables becomes glaringly clear. My perfectly white house has splotches of mold on it. That close-up profile picture is not nearly as youthful as I thought.

So, I’m torn. To wear glasses or not to wear glasses?

I’ve decided to wear them when I read, but whip off them in one sexy move when I look in the mirror. There’s no need to magnify our flaws – we do that enough on our own. We need only to believe in our beauty.

My husband needs glasses, but he currently thinks I look like I’m twenty-five-years-old. I’d like for that mirage to continue, so I’m encouraging his vanity and telling him there is no need for those crazy glasses.

Failing eye-sight is like the softening of nature’s camera lense, and I believe we should keep things God intended.

Besides, I’d like to be twenty-five for a little longer :).