Oh, the Places You’ll Go with Menopause!

by Dame Donna (Dedicated to Dr. Seuss)


Today is your day.

You’re starting menopause!

You’re off and away!


You have brains in your head.

But not as much as you did.

You have sweat in your shoes.

And are meeting your Id.


You’ll look up and down streets and repeat “I don’t care.”

You’ll look at your husband and say “Don’t dare go there.”

With your head leaking brains and your shoes full of wet,

You’re too tired to say anything much more than “shit.”


And you may not find any

reason to follow this path.

But you have no choice.

God has her wrath.


So go forward you must

As you slowly and oddly convert into dust.


Down the path things can happen

And frequently do

to women as sweaty

and grouchy as you.

And when things begin to happen

Don’t worry. Don’t curse.

Just go get some pills

Or find that great Vodka nurse.


[quote button_text=”Tweet the Quote”]OH!



Your middle will jiggle!

You’ll feel like you’re in a moat!

The sweat in your bed

Will require a boat!


You won’t lag behind, or if you do you won’t care.

You’ll pass whole generations while yanking their hair.

Wherever you go, you’ll be the best of the best,

Because if you aren’t the best you will kill all the rest.


Except kill you won’t do

Cause they will find you.


So you go with the flow, even thought it has stopped.

And when you’re mad you will hop, hop and hop,

And one day the sweat – it will only trickle,

Your moods will level out, you will be less fickle.


You’ll get mixed up, of course,

As our brain forgets names,

You’ll get mixed up

with strange and wonderful Dames.

And the laughter will trip

Off the tips of our tongues.

And we’ll fracture our hips

While lamenting our young.


And will you survive?

Yes! You will indeed thrive!

99.1% of menopausal women still drive.



So . . .

be your name Dixie or Alice or Jane,

Or Barbara or Elizabeth or Jill or Elaine,

You’re getting through menopause!

You will turn that last bend.

And you will be wiser, and nicer

So, let’s welcome . . . THE END