The April Fools Free Pass

Most people miss their dads on Father’s Day – I miss mine on April Fools’ Day. My dad passed away years ago, and I might miss him less often, but I never miss him less.

Every April Fools’ I would pull mental pranks that might have brought down a lesser man. I didn’t go for the small stuff, like salt in the sugar dish. I went for teenage pranks like, “Dad, I wrecked the car,” or “Dad, I might be pregnant.”

The joy came not from the initial fury on his face, but the relief when the news was good. I would then follow-up with some request that he would grant happily, like “April Fools Day, Dad!! By the way, can I go to the mall with my friends?”

 What I loved about April Fools’ Day is that you could bring up something horrible and then make it disappear in one quick phrase. My potential car wreck would turn into happy laughter.

Now that I am a woman over 50, I would like to employ the April Fools’ free pass to the following:

  • You are in a conversation and completely forget what you were going to say next. And since it won’t come back to you and your synapse won’t make the leap to a new topic, you’re going to have to just mumble something and walk away. April Fools!
  • You find that the closer you get to a bathroom the more you bladder decides it’s time to pee. Whether you’re actually there or not. April Fools!
  • You go to bed a slightly fake blonde and wake up the bride of Frankenstein with a big grey streak in your bangs. April Fools!
  • You are handed a credit card receipt to sign and will find yourself signing on the counter instead of the receipt because you left your glasses in the car. April Fools!
  • You tell your daughter and her friends not to spend too much time in the sun because that’s what you did and look at all your wrinkles, and instead of saying “What? You look great; I’d be honored to look like you” they say, “Yea, that’s true” and look slightly horrified. April Fools!

Ah, if it were only that easy. Well, the good news is that at the age of 50 everything gets easier. You can attract any man, any age. Your kids are in awe of your accomplishments, and your waist gets smaller due to hormones. Your eyes start to improve, and wrinkles smooth out on command.

You know what’s coming. I won’t say it, but it’s implied. 🙂