The Not-So-Amusing Park of Working Mothers

I have asked that my Dames, using the Facebook fan page, give me topics they would like to have discussed on my blog. The first topic of “working mothers” comes from my friend Carrie Bennett. Well, Carrie, here’s my take on that topic.

First of all, the term “Working mothers” is redundant. My estimation is that young mothers work about 19 hours per day, with no time for lunch or breaks. In fact, if the world of a working mother was an amusement park, here’s what the rides would be like:

  • The No Sleep Zone Ride: This ride keeps you awake for approximately two years, while forcing you to remember to pack bags with every need covered for every trip you take, locate both toys and car keys at the drop of a hat, and come up with brilliant ideas at work while keeping a smile on your exhausted face. Those who don’t succeed are dropped into the “Pit of Shame” where everyone tells you repeatedly how blessed you are to have children until you curl up into the fetal position.
  • The Emotional Rollercoaster Ride: Strap yourself in, this is going to be a bumpy ride. You will start in the land of optimism, holding an infant that adores you, knowing that maternity leave allows you to stay with them for a while. Maternity leave is up, and you and the baby are put in separate coasters, as their track runs to daycare world, yours goes to work. Adults surround you and you get to contribute ideas, but you’re in a meeting and think you hear a baby cry and suddenly your blouse is wet. Welcome to motherhood.
  • The Sticky Wicket Ride: You walk into a room filled with sticky substances on everything you touch – door knobs, car seats, steering wheels, counter-tops. You are asked to get dressed in a nice outfit without getting any of that sticky substance on any part of your clothing. You think everything is clear as you prepare to exit, not realizing there’s a gummy bear stuck to your butt. A vomit machine spews out spit-up as you exit the door.
  • The School Crosswalk Ride: This ride starts with a jaunt across the crosswalk at an elementary school, where your cute little baby is grabbed out of your arms and replaced with a slightly smellier version with big teeth that don’t quite fit. You must deposit your smellier version in a room and then walk away from them, just as a bully jumps out from the wall and shoves them. You go back to work, at which point you’re immediately called because your little guy doesn’t feel well. This happens as you’re on the way to a key presentation, and you know you can’t leave.
  • The End-of-Day Ride: This ride involves a car, like in the game of Life, where you pick your kids back up. The car is filled with a briefcase and juice and sticky stuff, and each kid that you are happy to see is tired and wants something. You step out of the car into a living room at which point the children stick to you as if velcroed. You know you have more work to do. On this ride, you can either deal with the sticky children or jump into a foam pit where you can rest but lose the sticky children. The pit never wins.

That’s what the amusement park of working mothers kind of looks like. Anybody disagree?